事件回溯寫作療癒 (Retrospective Writing Therapy)

一開始的動機很單純,只是想要重新檢視某個事件的歷程,看看一路走來的風風雨雨,想想是怎麼從起點到現在這邊的。
My motivation was simple: to review an event from the start till now, examining what has happened on the way.

這件事很簡單,對話紀錄都已經把重要事件的討論歸檔,只要重看一次就能溫習來龍去脈。
It was an easy thing to do. I have all the logs for relative online conversations, and all I had to do is to read them all over again.

然後,想到自己一直都有記日誌的習慣,雖然只是瑣碎小事,但很多初期被忽略的蛛絲馬跡都不經意被紀錄下來,才發現,如果想完整的檢視這個事件,勢必得要結合檯面上與檯面下的紀錄,重新走一遍才行。
Then, I recalled I’ve always been keeping journals everyday, writing down things I had done and met on that day; however, small details ignored before might have been recorded unintentionally. Therefore, if I wanted to go through the entire even again completely, I had to combine both the official and unofficial records.

仍然只是很單純的念頭…想說,不然來寫本日記吧!!以這個事件為主軸,寫一本專屬於它的日記吧!!
The idea was still simple: how about keeping a journal!! Writing a diary specifically for this event!!

為此,跑去買了本厚厚的筆記本,還有美麗的書皮,然後為了增加個人風格,還買了現在很流行的小貼紙來裝飾,接著就把日誌跟電腦打開,開始交叉比對,回憶當時這個時間點的心情,然後以當時的我的角度開始寫日記。
Thus, I bought a notebook with 80 pages, and a beautiful book skin. Then, to add personal style, I also bought small stickers for decoration. After that, I opened my datebooks and laptop, started making cross reference, recalling my feelings at that moment, and spoke to the journal as who I was.

寫日記跟記日誌、網路po文都很不一樣,日誌只是單純的不帶情感的記錄發生事項,而網路發言是已經經過潤飾、可以上的了檯面的言詞,然而日記是非常個人的…私密的情感,不會在公開發言上透露的內心OS,就是這些沒有被表達出來的想法與情緒,默默的影響了我們在整個事件中的行為模式。
It’s quite different keeping a private journal from listing things down in a datebook and posting status on the internet. Journal logs contain only bullet items without personal emotions, and online articles are something filtered, articulated, modified for certain audience. However, diaries are something very personal. Private emotions and feelings, words only whispered in one’s mind; it’s those unexposed thoughts and emotions that affects our behavior and decision in the whole event subconsciously.

原本只是好玩,以寫日記的方式重新走過整個事件,然而寫著寫著,不可思議的事情發生了。
It was only for fun re-experiencing the whole event in the form of writing an event diary. However, something amazing has happened during the writing process.

即使已事過境遷,即使還沒寫到前我都已經忘了有這回事,當回想起當時的情緒並動筆寫下時,情緒仍會受影響…感動、開心、傷心、生氣…當時的我似乎又跑出來了。
Even though things had past, and I had even forgotten them before writing them, when reminiscing those emotions and writing them down, my current emotions were still influenced. Being touched, happy, sad, and angry; “me" at the time seemed to re-appear again.

然而,許多當時沒有表達出來的情緒或話語,這次藉由寫日記的方式,在文字中找到宣洩出口,於是,當我完成一篇又一篇的日記時,那些情緒或想法似乎也被釋放,越寫越覺得輕鬆、清明,而我原本根本不覺得自己沉重阿!
However, a lot of emotions or words unspoken at the time had found their way out in the text this time. Therefore, with page after page I wrote, those feelings and thoughts seemed released too. I felt lighter and clearer with “date" went by…however I didn’t even feel I was heavy at all before writing the journal!!

於是,我一邊當女主角,掏心掏肺的將自己當時的心情一點一滴的紀錄下來,一方面卻又是個療癒師,看著紀錄下來的文字顯現出的脈絡與模式。
And so, on one hand, I was the leading lady again in that event, experiencing strong emotional impact and writing it down; on the other hand, I was a therapist, observing the theme and pattern revealed in the recorded text.

很多事情在當下是不會被觀察到的,時間感、輕重感在當時都是非常主觀的感受;可能陷落在一個情緒主題中不過三五天,但當時的感覺卻像度過了兩個禮拜;同樣的話語在當時被某種氛圍或想法的籠罩下看起來是一回事,現在不帶偏見的重新看一次,卻看出話中不同的弦外之音。
Some things were difficult to be observed when it happened. Sense of time, and sense of impact were only subjective perception at the time. An emotion theme lasting for 3 to 5 days may feel like 2 weeks had passed; words that were interpreted as one meaning under circumstance and atmosphere of that moment, might be recognized message between the lines now without the cloud over the head.

就這樣寫了快兩個禮拜,花了35個小時以上,總算將這本事件日誌完成。我重新回憶並身歷其境的走過整個事件,又在每重新踏出一步後將之整個放下。從沒想過這種回憶寫作的方式具有療癒作用(雖然超費工就是了),但最開心的是,在 “療癒"過程結束後,還產出了一本美麗的日誌。就算不細看內容,光拿在手上把玩翻閱都覺得賞心悅目呢!!
So, after writing for almost 2 weeks, spending more than 35 hours in total, finally the event journal is completed. I remembered, recalled and reminisced the whole event, and let it go completely with each page I wrote. I had never thought this kind of “retrospective writing" can be therapeutic (although it takes huge effort and time). But, what made me happy the most, is the deliverable of the “healing process" was a beautiful journal, which is amusing and gorgeous by only flipping through the pages without reading the content.

看來等哪天我有空的時候,再找其他主題來寫個事件日誌/事件回溯寫作療癒好了XD
Maybe I should do this event journal writing/retrospective writing therapy for another theme again the other day 😛

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1 則回應給 事件回溯寫作療癒 (Retrospective Writing Therapy)

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