One Month After… 滿月了…

It has been one month since I came back to Taiwan. In the lunch date today, my friend opened a bottle of white wine, and I tossed to myself secretly in my heart for celebration. Also…finally I tasted wine again since I came back~
今天是回國滿月,剛好中午與學長聚餐時開了瓶白酒,就藉著這酒在心中小小的慶祝一下。

My life for the past month was both empty and full; I stayed at home doing nothing being fed by my mom everyday, but I also join more than a dozen of gatherings with almost 40 friends from different stages of my life (can’t believe I have so many friends!!).
一個月了,過得很廢也很充實,依然在家給媽媽養,過著醉生夢死的生活,卻也參加了十多場的聚會,與三四十位來自不同時期的朋友敘舊 (哇….沒想到我朋友那麼多!!)。

In each meeting, I repeated similar topics like which countries I had been to, what interesting things I had done, what I thought about something, what difference did I observe, etc. However, for the subject “what my next step is", I could only frown and pout carelessly-ish and respond with “I don’t know yet…I’m still hesitating between several options."
在每一場聚會中重複著類似的主題,告訴大家我去了哪些國家、做了哪些好玩的事、有什麼體會、觀察到什麼差異等;最重要的問題 – “我的下一步為何?" 總是答不出來,只好揮著手帶點不在乎又無奈的神情說:"我也還不知道,仍在摸索思考猶豫中…"

Conversations over conversations, my speech context grew richer and richer because of the comment and advise other people gave me, which I absorbed and rephrased with my own words. An idea was shaped gradually along the process; I don’t know how or when I’ll realize it yet, but at least I have a new dream to hold on to again. Maybe someday in the future, this vision will come to life.
一次又一次的談話,逐漸包裹上前次談話他人對我這趟旅程的評價與建議,然後透過我的口成為越來越篤定的真實;一個idea慢慢成形,雖然還不知如何跟何時會達成,但至少有個可以hold on to 的夢想了,也許在將來的某一天,這個願景會成真🙂

My friends support me a lot. None of them judged my experience in Europe negatively, or thought I was stupid to drop my job and promising future for this. They admired my courage of leaving my built-up life behind and my braveness of exploring Europe life by myself; of course, I have no regrets for this decision at all as well.
我的朋友們都頗挺我的,沒有人給予我過去這一年多的體驗負評,或覺得我耍笨、放棄大好工作荒廢人生;他們羨慕我放下一切的勇氣以及單槍匹馬勇闖歐洲的大膽,而我也對當初的決定無悔無憾。

Maybe with this one-year-and-half gap, I’d have to start my career from total scratch again, let alone catch up with my peer, but I had had too many incredible experiences which I would’ve never had if I had stayed in Taiwan. Maybe I couldn’t reach the peak I could’ve reached in my career in the end, but I have had reached a peak in my life experience.
也許中斷職涯一年半的我,現在要重新開始困難重重,要迎頭趕上以往的同伴更是不可能,但在歐洲的時光,我經歷太多太多在台灣我這輩子永遠不可能經歷到的體驗。就事業成就方面,也許我再也回不到人生勝利組,可是就我個人的生命體驗而言,已經快達到西方極樂世界的程度。

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t panic nor confused at all after choosing a different path, not a “normal" one, from most of my friends’ choice, but I’d be suffering in purgatory if I lived the “normal life" against my will.
選擇了跟身邊大多數朋友們不一樣的道路,偏離了正常的軌道,說心中不慌不迷惑是假的,但要我違背心意過著大多數人眼中正常的日子,那對我來說更是煉獄。

I’ve realized how lucky I am for the past month; I had lived a dream for more than one year, and my friends have shared my joy without bitterness. I must have done something right in the past lives so I could be surrounded by such wonderful people🙂
這一個月裡,我了解到自己是無比幸運的,過了一段人人夢寐以求的生活,朋友們也都樂於分享我的喜悅而沒有酸葡萄心理,我上輩子應該積了超多陰德才有幸被那麼優的人們圍繞吧!

Each conversation was a chance for me to reorganize my life in the UK/Europe. I understood what I liked/disliked about Taiwan/UK more and more each time analyzing the differences between British and Taiwanese lifestyles for friends. Just like I saw Taiwan more clearly after leaving it, I saw my life in Europe more clearly now…and it was marvelous!!
每一次的談話都是我重整旅歐生活的機會;分析台英生活型態差異給朋友的同時,也更知道自己喜歡跟不喜歡台灣/英國的什麼。就如同當初走出台灣後才更看的清楚台灣,現在我也更看的清過往這一年半的生命歷程…我只能說,真的太精采了!

Some say we tell the future from the past; when we review our past, our future reveals it self. After coming back, I had reorganized all the documents left since my primary-school period, met all the friends I knew from high school onward, and visited several places in Taipei which were once important to me in the past 8 years. It looked like I was unpacking my life in the past, reviewing it, and then repacking it again. I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m revisiting my 31-year life in various way out of instinct; maybe the next chapter of my life is the combination of the previous 31 chapters.
鑑古知今,反覆呢喃著過往的同時,未來的路也逐漸展現;回國後,整理了自小學到現在的所有文件回憶,會見了從高中到出社會後各方認識的朋友,走訪了台北過去八年幾個曾對我有重大影響的地點,看起來我好像不斷的在溫習過去,然後重新封存。我不知道自己為什麼要這樣做,卻很自然的以各種不同的方式將自己過去31年的人生再次瀏覽一遍…也許我人生的下個篇章是要集過去31年的精華為一身吧!(就像周星馳祥龍十八掌裡面的第十八掌飛龍在天其實是前面十七掌的總和一樣XD)

The rituals of meeting with friends and reminiscing of the past are still ongoing, and I’m not hurried to reach somewhere. One teaching I had learned from my European life was to slow down and tune in with the rhythm of the universe; everything I need will come to me when the time is right. I was so “fast" all the time, trying to do something before anything was there, but I saw another possibility when I stayed in Europe. This is part of my “life experience"; success or failure…let’s keep observing🙂
與朋友的聚會與對過去的緬懷仍在進行著,我也並不急著要達到沸點;在歐洲這一年多的生活,其中學到一個重要的智慧就是放慢腳步,讓身體跟著宇宙的律動,等待時機成熟自然會水到渠成。過去匆忙了那麼多年,總是迫不及待的先人一步,但這次的旅歐生活讓我看到不同的可能性;這是我人生實驗的一部分,至於何時會開花結果,就讓我們繼續觀察下去囉!

This entry was posted in 記事, 身心靈, 歐洲 and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 則回應給 One Month After… 滿月了…

  1. Jubing 說:

    我們很感謝妳,讓我們看到了生活更多的可能性🙂

  2. Lillian 說:

    結果後來我還真的是在整合前面30年的人生耶!我重新在工作上找到自信,雖算不上人生勝利組,卻也過著人人稱羨的生活,靈性方面也終於有了表達出口,結合我多年來因為生命經歷學到的傾聽,表達,及思考技巧來協助個案,連已經放棄的手工藝都變身為捕夢網工作坊;對比當時的徬徨與未知,誰又想的到兩年後我又再次到達人生另一個巔峰呢?

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