It has been one month since I came back to Taiwan. In the lunch date today, my friend opened a bottle of white wine, and I tossed to myself secretly in my heart for celebration. Also…finally I tasted wine again since I came back~
My life for the past month was both empty and full; I stayed at home doing nothing being fed by my mom everyday, but I also join more than a dozen of gatherings with almost 40 friends from different stages of my life (can’t believe I have so many friends!!).
In each meeting, I repeated similar topics like which countries I had been to, what interesting things I had done, what I thought about something, what difference did I observe, etc. However, for the subject “what my next step is", I could only frown and pout carelessly-ish and respond with “I don’t know yet…I’m still hesitating between several options."
在每一場聚會中重複著類似的主題，告訴大家我去了哪些國家、做了哪些好玩的事、有什麼體會、觀察到什麼差異等；最重要的問題 – “我的下一步為何?" 總是答不出來，只好揮著手帶點不在乎又無奈的神情說："我也還不知道，仍在摸索思考猶豫中…"
Conversations over conversations, my speech context grew richer and richer because of the comment and advise other people gave me, which I absorbed and rephrased with my own words. An idea was shaped gradually along the process; I don’t know how or when I’ll realize it yet, but at least I have a new dream to hold on to again. Maybe someday in the future, this vision will come to life.
一次又一次的談話，逐漸包裹上前次談話他人對我這趟旅程的評價與建議，然後透過我的口成為越來越篤定的真實；一個idea慢慢成形，雖然還不知如何跟何時會達成，但至少有個可以hold on to 的夢想了，也許在將來的某一天，這個願景會成真 🙂
My friends support me a lot. None of them judged my experience in Europe negatively, or thought I was stupid to drop my job and promising future for this. They admired my courage of leaving my built-up life behind and my braveness of exploring Europe life by myself; of course, I have no regrets for this decision at all as well.
Maybe with this one-year-and-half gap, I’d have to start my career from total scratch again, let alone catch up with my peer, but I had had too many incredible experiences which I would’ve never had if I had stayed in Taiwan. Maybe I couldn’t reach the peak I could’ve reached in my career in the end, but I have had reached a peak in my life experience.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t panic nor confused at all after choosing a different path, not a “normal" one, from most of my friends’ choice, but I’d be suffering in purgatory if I lived the “normal life" against my will.
I’ve realized how lucky I am for the past month; I had lived a dream for more than one year, and my friends have shared my joy without bitterness. I must have done something right in the past lives so I could be surrounded by such wonderful people 🙂
Each conversation was a chance for me to reorganize my life in the UK/Europe. I understood what I liked/disliked about Taiwan/UK more and more each time analyzing the differences between British and Taiwanese lifestyles for friends. Just like I saw Taiwan more clearly after leaving it, I saw my life in Europe more clearly now…and it was marvelous!!
Some say we tell the future from the past; when we review our past, our future reveals it self. After coming back, I had reorganized all the documents left since my primary-school period, met all the friends I knew from high school onward, and visited several places in Taipei which were once important to me in the past 8 years. It looked like I was unpacking my life in the past, reviewing it, and then repacking it again. I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m revisiting my 31-year life in various way out of instinct; maybe the next chapter of my life is the combination of the previous 31 chapters.
The rituals of meeting with friends and reminiscing of the past are still ongoing, and I’m not hurried to reach somewhere. One teaching I had learned from my European life was to slow down and tune in with the rhythm of the universe; everything I need will come to me when the time is right. I was so “fast" all the time, trying to do something before anything was there, but I saw another possibility when I stayed in Europe. This is part of my “life experience"; success or failure…let’s keep observing 🙂