Things are different now.
I felt different after coming back from my trip.
I didn’t feel like home this time when arriving in Brighton; instead, I missed Spain and Barcelona already.
Maybe because of the weather, maybe because of the life style; anyway, this time I don’t fancy British life anymore…not that I really loved it in the first place.
The similarity between Spain/Barcelona and Taiwan/Taipei reminded me of the convenient life, tasty food, warm weather, and everything I used to love when I was in Taiwan, and I had a really GREAT time in Spain & Portugal.
I miss the feeling of going window shopping after dark; I miss the cars and pedestrians, who are NOT drunk, in the street under the street lights, which makes me feel safe even walking alone at late night; I miss the street food/tapas you could find anywhere and anytime you feel hungry within reasonable price; I miss a proper living space, which you really LIVE in rather than just STAY in; I miss the REAL sun that you can count on and truly feel whenever you see it.
I re-experienced those again during my trip, and now I miss Taiwan, or say that kind of life, which the Great Britain can’t offer, so much.
It’s new to me, as I was always happy to go back to my routine and normal life after a long or short trip. Each trip for me was just a distant, beautiful, and illusive dream after I came back to the REAL life. Even my grand trip to Europe 2 years ago was the case; I felt like never leaving after a nap.
But it’s not the case this time. Something inside me has changed, and I don’t feel the same way anymore.
I knew this trip would be a trigger of something introducing the next stage of my life; I didn’t know what it would trigger, nor do I know now…but anyway, I could feel that something is different.
Back to the routine is a bit difficult to me; I can’t find an entry point back to this British life. My landlord happened to be at the door welcoming me home when I arrived; of course I felt happy being expected, but I don’t feel like living with him, in this flat, in this room anymore. Of course I miss my friends in Brighton, but when I picked up my phone, none of them jumped into my mind as the one I wanted to share everything in my trip with. I’ll go back to my job again tomorrow, but thinking of my colleagues and the school, I don’t feel I’m one of them anymore.
It’s like I lived in an nothing-to-complain illusion, and then when I stepped out of that accidentally and looked back, I found myself don’t fit in the picture anymore.
I had a life here, which was not bad, but it’s not my life anymore. I told lots of people before coming here last year that I didn’t want to come to the UK since nothing here attracted me. During the past year, I fell in love with Brighton and the UK, but just an 18-day trip out of the UK, it has lost its charm on me again.
Maybe I’ll be absorbed by the British life and get used to it soon again after starting to work tomorrow, therefore, I won’t make any hasty move or decision now.
So, let’s observe how my heart settles next. When the time is ripe, which is not far from now, I shall announce my next move.
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